Holiday Ups and Downs

So my mother is on an attitude trip today. My sister got her car stuck so mom had to go take her to work, and then she came home, yelled at me to get outside and help her clear the driveway. I didn't do anything to deserve being yelled at she walked in the door and screamed. Then after we get the driveway mostly cleared and get my sisters car unstuck and in it's spot mom comes inside and calls the mac people to see if it's the computer causing her email issues. Well they make her create a new user account on the computer to see if it's anything she messed with. Well it wasn't so she still can't get to her email. Then she can't figure out how to get logged out of the other account and logged back into her regular one, and she refuses to let me look at it. I'm not a mac genius but I know a little more than she does. So she gets all cranky about that and then goes upstairs to do dishes and starts yelling at me again for some dirty dishes. Now my sister (same one) and I made snacks the other night while we watched movies will I sprayed nonstick spray on the pan, when my stuff was done I left my sister to do hers. So there's a ton of this spray on the pan and I'm pretty sure I didn't put that much on it. And of course said sister is away at work so she doesn't get to hear a word of all this. So my mother is being a bitch and refuses to stop taking it out on me. I'm tired of it.

Now yesterday she took me out to Lane Bryant up in Williamsburg to get some new clothes since I'm only a year and a half from graduation and needed some better professional clothes. That and I haven't gotten any new winter clothes since before I moved to Montana over 2 years ago. And we found a large number of really nice clothes and she dished out for them for me. And I really appreciate it, but honestly does she have to flip flop between complete bitch and being really nice?

But I have only a few days left here and then I'm back on my own where I won't have to deal with her on a day to day basis. And next year I'm planning on spending christmas with my Boyfriend wherever he gets stationed in August. That way I don't have to deal with the drama of my family.

They're not a bad family but so often they just turn into assholes and I don't want to deal with that.

How are you supposed to feel pretty...

...when the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally are constantly calling you fat and ugly. Almost every time I've dressed up since I hit puberty this line or something close to it hasn't been far from my father's lips, "You'd look so pretty if you just lost your weight." And everytime I talk to either of my parents they go on and on about my dad having lost weight, or about this and that person who's lost weight. And they tell me I could too if I tried. All I have to do is make "lifestyle changes".

And what makes this worse is I'm supposed to go to my sister's wedding tomorrow. Guess what line she won't ever get from my father. I dread the day I get married because I know he's probably gonna pull that line on me again.

Foot In Their Mouth

So I had a really bad night last night. And I hadn't vented anywhere about something my mother said over the phone a few weeks ago. Well we were talking about clothes, and as I'm getting to an age where Jeans and T-shirts aren't good enough and I need dress pants and other nice clothes, mom wanted to know what size I was. Well I haven't really gone shopping for clothes in a while at any place that sells good quality nice clothes so I didn't know. So she asks me how much I way. I told her 230's most of the time. And here's what she said "Wow, your dad weighs less than you do now!"

Way to make your daughter feel good mom. So she starts in "Oh I didn't mean it like that!" Yeah you did mom. It's not like I don't have enough self confidence issues going to my sisters wedding over Christmas, but now I get to be the fattest one in the family. Lovely, great, someone grab me a damned paper bag please.

Now I've always hated weddings. Hate going to them, hate sitting at the receptions being the only one bored out of my mind while everyone else goes running onto the dance floor. A. I don't dance in public B. No one would want to dance with me at weddings anyway so screw it, C. I hate getting the looks. You know the looks, the glance between you and your sisters weighing, measuring. And the inevitable thought, "How did they end up with that when the other three turned out so well?" And it doesn't help that I know some of my future brother-in-laws friends are assholes to women. So if I hear so much as one comment I'll end going to hide so I don't ruin my perfect sisters perfect day.